Greener Desktop

Most of the regular readers of this blog and those who know me personally probably know by now that i hate the iPhone. With a passion. It’s not that I particularly like any other type of smart phone out there (my Nokia E71 is ok). It’s just that the iPhone stands for everything wrong with the world.

The straw that broke the camels back today and hence lead to this rant is an app (no link coz you iphone fanboys will just buy it to spite me) called Birdhouse and while they have done a great job doing up a promotional video for it which has world class production values. The application itself is ….. USELESS. It’s beyond useless in fact. It’s just a notepad for the iphone.  I don’t own an iphone but I’m fairly certain it has a notepad feature already and if it doesn’t then that’s one more reason for it to burn in hell along with all the idiots who bought one.

Ok I’ve given way too much airtime for the king of useless iphone applications so I’m just going to list the 5 stupidest applications I could find off the web. None with links because I know all you idiots who bought an iphone will head straight to the app store to buy them.  Because you’re stupid!

1. I am Rich

Yes you read correctly. This $999.99 (the highest price you could possibly charge) iphone app which isn’t for sale anymore didn’t do anything. Yet despite the fact that it clearly was labelled “THIS IS NO JOKE..DO NOT BUY THIS APP AND APPLE PLEASE REMOVE THIS FROM THE APP STORE…” a whole bunch of you class morons bought it anyway. This is by far the clearest indication of the IQ of the average iphone user. Something around zero.

2. Drinkbuddy

This one is a classic. Instead of abstaining from drinking and driving or employing a breathalyser which some bars, clubs, pubs have these days, and by some I mean most. You can purchase this application which will help you guess whether you’re over the legal limit. It’ll probably help you guess badly. I am now scared to drive at night because I have visions of drunk iphone users swerving across the road as they attempt to calculate whether they are drunk or not. I hope shaking the phone doesn’t clear the info. That would be cruel.

3. Picocalc

This is a calculator that just adds and subtracts. Probably more than most iphone users are capable of. I Doubt it does fractions either because the owners have probably never heard of them.

4. Farting

This isn’t one app. It’s at least twenty something that are on the apple store right now. It seems iphone users and developers are pre-occupied with farting. Well so are cows so I’ll leave you to make the connection. Assuming that is you aren’t an iphone owner.

5. Ocarina

Ocarina simply means flute. Some genius has worked out that the iphone has a microphone….and a speaker. They’ve married the two together and made a very sluggish flute. Now you too can walk around blowing into your iphone while it makes barely audible flute sounds. No you won’t look like you’re crazy. If you’re not convinced watch this lobotomy patient play with it.

So, to sum things up. If you own an iphone you’re most likely going to fail any tests that are designed to distinguish between man and vegetable. I’m not going to sugar coat this one. I want to continue but I’m afraid that this site will start failing the safe search filters with the load of profanity I’ll throw at the stupid waste of space that is the iphone.

Last one, I couldn’t help myself. Apparently you can download an app to help you go green. That is just ridiculous the best way to go green would be to leave your iphone at home, turned off, since the monsters chew power like there’s no tomorrow.

Related posts:

1. Apple can you convert me to the iPhone?
2. iPhone catching up but still has a long way to go
3. What I have come to realise about the iPhone
4. Quicky: Shameless Plug
5. Is the iphone just a fad?